it's an attitude thing
Text by: Mark Brill
A column in Dive Girl. 'Great', I said,
'I can share a few of my favourite recipes and pick up some tips on how to get those difficult stains out of my dry suit.' So Louise hit me.
'We want the inside info on dive boys and what they get up to when we're not there.' 'You mean farting competitions and willy fights in the showers?' I replied scornfully.
'No... look, we love technical diving, right? But just compare how the girls behave and what some of the boys get up to. With some of the blokes it's like a kind of obsessive religion based around the worship of gadgets...
they're just like... blokes.'
So here goes...
The Dive Boy Guide to
Teckie Dive Blokes
Appearance?
Teckies aren't concerend with their appearance.
Oh yeah. Try putting them in a pink dry suit, they'll be pretty concerned then.
Alright then, they wear black and have shorter hair than yer average army recruit (makes it easier to manage).
Interests?
Dive kit, talking about dive kit, dismantling and trying to reassemble dive kit. And dive accessories
What do you mean by accessories?
Well they've given up on the traditional weight belt in favour of a slightly larger assortment of metalware than you'd find in the average DIY Superstore. Crowbars, sledgehammers, chisels, powertools, plastic garden furniture.
Plastic garden furniture?
OK I made that up.
Typical (and true) Dive Bloke Sayings - No. 1
'I'd love to dive the Andrea Doria. It's only 75 metres, I could do that on air.'
Which I suppose you could do, but you'd be so narced I doubt if you'd remember any of it.
Typical (and true) Dive Bloke Sayings - No. 2
'If I'm going to take a lifting bag, I might as well take a big one'
Sounds pretty useful if you want to lift a small wreck
But somewhat pointless given that you probably haven't got enough air to fill it at depth. But why let a small thing like that get in the way of recovering your porthole?
Past-times?
Nicking bits of useless tat off wrecks. And reading porn mags during deco stops.
Well I suppose it explains how the pages got stuck together
Yeah, but they still have to find a good story to explain the stains on their dry suit.
Do Say
Is that a chisel in your pocket, or have you just been on a deco stop?
